Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and the Candle of Hope

                     

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and the Candle of Hope

“There will be signs in the sun, the moon, and the stars, and on the earth distress among nations confused by the roaring of the sea and the waves. People will faint from fear and foreboding of what is coming upon the world, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken. Then they will see ‘the Son of Man coming in a cloud’ with power and great glory. Now when these things begin to take place, stand up and raise your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”

                                                                            Luke 21:25-28

I’ve been in my 6^th decade of life for a couple of years now, and I’ve  realized something about myself. I’m a bit jumpy these days. I’ll give you a for-instance: I used to enjoy going to the shooting range or hunting birds in an open field. Nowadays, though, I physically and uncontrollably jump whenever I’m near gunshot. It’s not just gunshot, however. It has to do with loud noises--any loud noises. I believe it is tied to one particular instance about 20 years ago when an emergency situation arose (rather, “exploded”)  in my home when my son had a seizure in the next room and hit his head on the kitchen counter on the way to the floor. The next moments were full of trauma and emergent care. After a visit to the hospital, including a CT of the head, all was eventually well, and we tried to get back to “normal”. But here is where I learned the true nature of PTSD. Some days later, while my wife and I were sitting quietly and comfortably in our twin easy chairs enjoying a peaceful morning, a sound exactly like the one that had alarmed us before caused us to jump, and our hearts to skip with fear. Only this time, we looked at each other with tears in our eyes. Although it turned out that it was only a watermelon we had bought the day before that had rolled off the kitchen counter and onto the floor with a sudden and unwelcome crash, internally we were jolted to that recent bad memory of finding our son writhing on the floor. And I began to understand why some combat veterans, upon hearing a car backfiring on the street, will take cover beneath a parked car before their minds can tell them it was nothing to fear. It is an involuntary reaction, sewn into the fabric of the autonomic nervous system by a previous trauma associated with a sound, or in some cases a smell, or some other sensation. So you could say that in one sense my nerves are “shot”, because loud noises cause an unpleasant, visceral reaction. And I’ve never even been to war. To this day, whenever one or the other of us is about to do something in the house that will create a loud noise, we call out “loud noise” as a courtesy to warn the other not to be alarmed.

This is what Jesus is trying to do with His disciples in this Sunday’s Gospel reading. He is trying to say, “LOUD NOISE” to prepare them for wars and rumors of war, earthquakes and roaring seas; i.e., what to them looks like the end of the world. “These things must happen,” He says. But when you see these things happening, “Look up, for your redemption is drawing near.” Our natural reaction to real or threatened calamity is to react with dread, to cower, or to duck-and-cover. Who can “stand tall and look up” when every instinct has taught us to get low and to cover our heads? Every generation experiences this.

 Many things conspire to keep us from lifting our gaze, but when we do, it is often then that we can see the promised Son of Man coming. It is only when we stand up and raise our heads that we recognize the presence of Christ among us--even when all seems lost.

How do you hear Sunday’s words from Luke? Does the world that Jesus describes as marked by “fear and foreboding” sound like anything you have experienced? What might you see if, instead of cowering, you were to stand up and raise your head, or to encourage others to raise their heads in the midst of trauma and confusion? Where might you see the promise of the coming Christ?

We will light the “Hope” candle on this 1^st Sunday in Advent. It is not an empty hope, but one full of the promise of Jesus Himself. 

Chris Huff

Advent 1

A Homily for the Am Ha'Aretz

I recently married my nephew and godchild, Michael Huff, to his beautiful bride on a barrier island off Charleston, South Carolina, called Folly Beach. It is a place of magic for many. Popularly dubbed the "Edge of America", it is a place where generations have returned to the womb, reconciled with Mother Earth, and found their way home to God. Michael and his bride, Leah (the name of my deceased sister) Eppehimer, share a unique love of mud and water (he is a crabber. oyster-man and sharker) and ocean (they both are free-spirited surfers).

Nature is our first home. The church, our second. We need to reconnect the two. They belong together.

The Am Ha'Aretz, or the "People of the Land", is a term found in the Tanakh. The Hebrews were an earthy people. So are we, although we have become disenchanted with earthiness. Lest we become too sterile of spirit, let us cross that bridge.

This wedding was performed under the threat of a coastal storm. God held back the rains and gave us one of the most beautiful sunsets seen in recent times.

CH+

A Homily for the Am Ha'Aretz (Michael's and Leah's Marriage Homily)

Michael and Leah remind me of Adam and Eve in that they met each other in the beauty of nature. Only….their relationship was conceived and fostered through an intimate connection with the primordial ooze of pluff mud and the primal, nurturing, mystical power of the ocean.

Their relationship has been baptized, you could say, in the waters of Folly Beach. And now a family whose own relationships have been fostered a bit north in the waters of the jersey shore have come to support in love and prayer the baby of her family, Leah, in her  marriage to the baby of his family, Michael. So here we all are, about to be baptized by water from the heavens themselves. What a joining, sealed by the Holy Spirit in baptism and family and matrimony and mud and sand and garden and love.

We in the church are familiar with the phenomenon described by the phrase, “Spiritual, but not religious”. Open to spiritual ideas, and hungry in heart for answers in life. Just not so enamored of churchy stuff.

I get it that for many “Mother Church” has come to seem “Old Fashioned”, perhaps even irrelevant, in the minds of some. And yet the faith into which you both were baptized has drawn us all here today, and through our prayers and love sustains you, as well as all of us. The transcendent God of the universe came, in the person of Jesus Christ to build a bridge between the ancient paths of the first magic of God’s creation to all of mankind and the future. We call it “Ancient-Future”, the gathering of all things past and present unto Himself.

Whether or not we realize it, we are all standing on that bridge that God built. From our baptism in the waters of the church… to where we stand today…not just physically here together, but situationally, wherever each one of us finds ourselves at this moment in time.

Do not burn that bridge. It has spanned human lifetimes and, although perhaps old and creaky here and there, it is large enough and plenty strong to hold us all on our journey through this life on earth to our eternal destinies, established in the heavens.

And now especially to you two, Michael and Leah. Anyone who has been married for longer than five minutes knows that storms will come. You will, and perhaps already have, hurt each other. As St. Paul says, “Put on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience. Bear with one another and, just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

In just a moment you will give your vows to one another. Not only are you giving vows; you are giving your souls to each other. And we who love you are witnesses. And we support you. May you ever deepen in the love that brought you here, and find the deep blessings of God in your lives, which now are becoming one in Jesus Christ. Amen.  

The Rev. Christopher M. Huff

A Love Song: Learning to Let Go Like St. Teresa

Majestic sovereign, timeless wisdom, your kindness melts my hard, cold soul.

Handsome lover, selfless giver, your beauty fills my dull, sad eyes.

I am yours, you made me.

I am yours, you called me.

I am yours, you saved me.

I am yours, you loved me.

I will never leave your presence.

Give me death, give me life.

Give me sickness, give me health.

Give me honor, give me shame.

Give me weakness, give me strength.

I will have whatever you give. Amen.

These words from St. Teresa of Avila, entitled "A Love Song", seem hyperobolic to us who comparatively only play at devotion. We who have more than we need, who stress ourselves out over getting more and keeping it, would scarcely pray such words, much less truly desire what they mean. In our culture when we say "whatever", we mean, "I'm not, in my frustration, accepting what you have to say." When St. Teresa said "Whatever", she meant "whatever". But we think: "Really, Teresa?" "I will have whatever you give?" "Death or life, sickness or health, honor or shame, weakness or strength? Really?" "Whichever you choose for me to have, I'll gladly receive from you, Lord"?  

My strength and health decline a little bit each year. I get frustrated over my increasing limitations. I have watched my mother and my mother-in-law, both in their 80's, and both fiercely independent widows, become more and more dependent because of their human deterioration. Jesus said to Peter, "When you were young, you girded yourself and walked where you would; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish to go." And after this He said, "Follow me." (John 21:18, 19) Peter, who made such grand claims, only deluded himself ("I will go to death for you, Lord" ..."I tell you, I do not know that man."). Only after he had lost much in the service of His Lord did he begin to understand surrender.

At a quiet day not so long ago here at St. George's, Sr. Donna Larue from the Sisters of Charity of Our Lady of Mercy on James Island reflected on the attitudes and transformation (or lack thereof) of some of the elderly sisters in the convent. As they approached their deaths, some of the sisters were of gracious demeanor, reconciled, at peace and accepting. "These sisters," observed Sr. Donna, "who are open of heart, seem to have easy deaths." "One or two of the others are resistant, easily frustrated, cantankerous and curmudgeonly [might I say 'bitter'?] about many things. I am afraid I do not foresee an easy death, but rather a hard death for them."

Well, guess what? The truth is, whether we want them or not, and no matter how much we try to control life, we cannot, and so we will have these things indeed: death and life, sickness and health, honor and shame, weakness and strength. These words remind me of a marriage vow. And anybody who has been married for longer than fifteen minutes knows that love has to mature and transform from the ego-based, self-satisfying, consumerist sort to the other-focused, come-what-may, self-giving variety if disappointment and not getting our way are not going to knock our relationships sideways.

The way we bail on each other in everything from marriage to our bosses and employees, our denominations and affiliations, our churches and fellowships...just because we do not get our way... tells me that we do not make ourselves available to God. For if we did, we would not be seeking self, but rather and only Him. And gladly so.

Only those who have brought their suffering and loss to Him as an offering upon His altar, and who have stopped struggling, ranting, kicking and screaming...only those who have cast their naive dreams onto the flaming funeral pyre of God's love, can begin to die to self enough to value only Him.

We only think we are in control. We who have everything have nothing until we lose it. It's really about humility at the basic level. Am I so important that I deserve more than anyone else? I would do well to let it go, because for me, He is more than enough. Everything else is on a come-what-may basis. It always is. I just need to accept it.

CH+

Taking a Cyber-Break

Hi, All. I'm taking a cyber-break for a few days, but will be back. Pray for a release of mind, body and spirit. Thta's what I pray for all who read this. Peace,
CH +

Devotional Tidbit: From the Benedictine Breviary

From the Litany for Monday in Week III in Lauds...

Praise to you, Father everlasting. You open your hand and fill all creatures with blessing. Listen to these petitions as we say: Lord, make haste to help us.

--For the end of hatred and distrust among Christians. Lord, make haste to help us.

--For the renewal of our service in the church. Lord...

--For the enrichment of our sacred reading and private prayer.

--For the healing of broken relationships.

--For the rule of justice and peace.

--For the relief of hunger and disease.

--For the fulfillment of the hopes of the faithful departed. May they
   be found worthy of the promises of Christ.

Let us pray in the words given us by Christ: Our Father...

Concluding Prayer: Lord Jesus, you know each of us by name and have called us to follow you; teach us how to respond anew in every opportunity this day will bring. We ask you , you who love us with the Father and the Spirit forever and ever.
--Benedictine Breviary

Devotional Tidbit: from Sojourners

A reminder to myself:

The way to Christ is first through humility, second through humility, third through humility. If humility does not precede and accompany and follow every good work we do, if it is not before us to focus on, if it is not beside us to lean upon, if it is not behind us to fence us in, pride will wrench from our hand any good deed we do at the very moment we do it.

-Augustine

Devotional Tidbits: From the Benedictine Breviary

Concluding prayer from Thursday Lauds

Lord our Father, each morning you welcome us as we are;
give us a heart that is pure and free, to receive your Word,
and discover in our brothers and sisters the message of
life that you bring us, through Jesus, the Christ, our Lord.

Chris' take:
In His mercy, God does not require anything of me but me as I am,
before He will welcome me in His embrace. No need to try to deceive anybody,
or to try to justify myself. Myself, as I am, is enough for God. He will do
whatever else needs doing in my soul today. He will bring me Himself in the
Spirit, and in all who come across my path today. I am free to love all as He
loves: without condition, qualifier or exception. Because Jesus makes me pure,
purity is off the table. Now let's go be free and love all freely.You've been
given a billion dollars worth of grace today. Go have fun handing it out,
without fear of running out, to everyone you meet.

Devotional Tidbits: None (Ninth Hour--3PM) Prayer

Hymn                               Rerum, Deus, tenax vigor
                                                 --Ambrose (4th Century)

O  God, you hold all things in space,
Each star and planet in its place,
The days and years are your design,
Each change of season you define.

As we life's eventide draw near,
Give us your light, remove our fear,
With happy death may we be blest,
And find in you eternal rest.

To God the Father and the Son,
To Holy Spirit, three in one,
May praise and honor, glory be
To you,  eternal  Trinity. Amen.

None Prayer:

Lord Jesus, at this hour when you died on the Cross,
and made of death a pathway to true life, we bless you for
the victory of your love; and we ask you to light up our paths,
for you live for ever and ever. Amen.

---from the Benedictine Breviary

Devotional Tidbits: From the Monastics

"The spiritual consequences of attachments...need to be healed. The spiritual damage we receive from them usually lies in the subtle attractions of power without responsibility. We choose to be greedy, lustful and selfish because we like what these things bring us, but we give no thought (or no effective thought) to their consequences for ourselves or others. Because of the element of choice involved and because our will, as well as our woundedness, maintains our attachments, letting go of them can be like dying. For the attachment itself it is a dying, since it will have gathered psychic energy to itself and can seem almost to take on an existence of its own. When we make our first, feeble attempts at liberation, this energy will rear up to defend itself. To let it die is part of what Christ meant when He spoke about losing our life in order to save it. We must lose the things we fasten on to because we think them essential in our lives, so that we can save the true life which we live in God."

            --Frances Teresa, OSC (Order of St. Clare)

God help us in our weakness. CH +

Morning Prayers for Tuesday: From the English Franciscan Daily Office

The night  has passed and the day lies open before us;
Let us pray with one heart and one mind.
(silence)
As we rejoice in the gift of this new day,
so may the light of your presence, O God,
set our hearts on fire with love for you;
now and for ever. Amen.

Eternal God and Father,
you  create and redeem us by the power of your love:
Guide and strengthen us by your Spirit,
that we may give ourselves in love and service
to one another and to you;
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Night Prayer for Monday

Before the ending of the day,
Creator of the world we pray
That you, with steadfast love would keep
Your watch around us while we sleep.

From evil dreams defend our sight,
From fears and terrors of the night;
Tread underfoot our deadly foe
That we no sinful thought may know.

DOXOLOGY:
O Father, that we ask be done
Through Jesus Christ, your only Son;
And Holy Spirit, by whose breath
Our souls are raised to life from death. Amen.

          --From Night Prayer, Daily Office, Society of Saint Francis 
             Monday in Ordinary Time

Monday Litany

Blessed are you, Lord God, our creator and Father. Have mercy on us and listen as we pray: Lord, show us your love.

Give the world peace, Lord;
still the clamor for war and the cries for vengeance. Lord, show us your love.

Let your church strongly proclaim your word of salvation. Lord....

Bless your people, Lord, and free us from false cares. Lord....

Let us wonder at the glory of your creative love and answer the call of this day. Lord...

Have mercy on all who have died in your name. May they share in the peace of your kingdom, forever and ever. Amen.

Lord God, you have created us in your own image, to find freedom in a love that knows no bounds. Lead us further today along this path of freedom to which you call us, through Jesus, your beloved Son, our Lord.

May the Lord bless us,
keep away all evil,
and lead us to eternal life. Amen.

                              --From Monday Lauds in the Benedictine Breviary

Devotional Tidbits: From the Benedictine Breviary

Hymn                                                                       Aurora jam spargit polum
                                                                                         --Ambrose (350-397)

The dawn now spreads its rosy hue,
Daylight descends upon the earth;
Morn's shining rays their course begin;
Farewell to darkness and to sin.

May phantoms of the night be gone,
All trace of guilt be cleansed away;
Whatever weighs upon our heart,
Let it with darkness now depart.

Then when that final morning comes,
Humbly and hopefully  we ask;
To see,  illumined by new sight,
What we now sing by early light.

Praised be the Father and the Son,
And Holy Spirit equally,
The Triune Godhead Three in One,
Now and for all eternity. Amen.

From Saturday  Lauds in the Benedictine Breviary

Devotional Tidbits: From the Benedictine Breviary

Hymn                                               Aeterna coeli gloria
                                                                --Anonymous, Ambrosian (5th Century)

Eternal Glory of the sky,
Best hope of weak humanity,
The Father's sole-begotten One,
And Offspring of Virginity.

Uplift us with your arm of might,
And let our hearts rise pure and bright,
And, ardent in God's praises pay
The thanks we owe God every day.

Praise and honor to you, Father,
To your only Son divine,
Equal glory to your Spirit,
In our hearts your love enshrine. Amen.

From Friday Lauds in the Benedictine Breviary

Devotional Tidbits: From the Benediictine Breviary

Hymn                                                                      Lux ecce surgit aurea
                                                                                     --Prudentius (348-413)


Behold the golden Light appears,
Making night's blindness fade away.
Too long has it led us astray
And drawn us toward the dark abyss.

May this new be calmly passed,
May we keep pure while it shall last,
Not let our lips from truth depart
Nor evil plans engage the heart.

Above us is His loving eye,
The faithful guardian all our life,
Witness of all our daily deeds
From break of day til evening star.

Praised be the Father and the Son,
and Holy Spirit equally,
The Triune Godhead Three in One,
Now and for all eternity.

         --From Thursday Lauds in the Benedictine Breviary

Devotional Tidbits: From the Benedictine Breviary

                                                                 Nox et tenebrae
                                                                       --Prudentius, from the Cathemerinon

Darkness of night and evil things,
Confusions of the world, give way,
Light enters and the day is here;
Disperse, for Christ the Lord has come.

Shadows of night depart in haste,
Pierced by the sun's compelling ray,
The world appears in colored hue,
Bright in the glory of the day.

We only know you, Christ alone;
Sincerely and insistently,
O Light from heaven, Morning Star,
Serenely shine on us today.

Praised be the Father and the Son.
And Holy Spirit equally, The Triune Godhead Three in One,
Now and for all eternity. Amen.

              From Wednesday Lauds, Benedictine Breviary

Devotional Tidbits: From the Benedictine Breviary

                                                                 Ales diei nuntius
The stately rooster, herald of dawn,              --Prudentius
With piercing voice announces day:
But Jesus, herald of God's own Light,
Calls out to us, "Do not delay."

"Awake," He cries, "'tis time for LIFE,
Away with beds and lazy sleep;
Lead sober, pure and upright lives,
For I am near, your souls to keep."

             From Tuesday Lauds, Benedictine Breviary